Lost

One semi – social, intelligent, well spoken chick who loves books and reading, can’t live without the Food network and Martha Stewart. If found please return to me as soon as possible.

Last night I went out to dinner with a friend of mine. We’ve been friends since we were 13, so we have known each other for more than half our lives. She moved to the UK when she was 18 and continued moving to new and exotic places after that. So far she has lived in London, Dubai and Bahrain. She has a pretty cool life and is always traveling. She has been to all the continents except for Antarctica! At 29 that is impressive!! She only comes to town once a year and I try to hang out with her whenever she is here.

Last night at dinner she was telling me all these great stories, and funny adventures that she went on and I had nada to respond with. I had no funny stories, no exciting news, no anything to add to the conversation. I didn’t even have any witty responses to some of her questions.

I realized that I was boring. I wasn’t always boring but in the course of a year (which is when I had seen her last) nothing in my life had changed. I couldn’t help feeling like I had lost me. I hadn’t done anything, gone anywhere, or even spoken to people that were outside my immediate family or work. I don’t know where the semi – outgoing person that I used to be went nor do I know how to find that person again. The thought of spending my evenings away from Maks bothers me but the idea that I am losing myself and slowly just becoming a ‘wifey’ and ‘mommy’ bothers me too. Don’t get me wrong, I love being a wife & mother but there is so much more to my personality. Or at least I think there is, I could be wrong.